Codependency, It’s More Than Just Needing Others
Long overdue, I started revisiting my childhood, uncovering traumatic memories. My mother’s codependency, fueled by shame from my father, led her to shield us from him yet remain trapped in the relationship. Leaving wasn’t a simple path for her.
While I might struggle to understand why someone wouldn’t exit chaos, the reality is complex. People leave when they have the resources and strength, not necessarily at rock bottom. Sometimes, leaving requires confronting personal contributions to the dynamic, healing from suffering, and making peace with past choices.. I discovered several negative traits in myself that I needed to address.
However, it also revealed the immense strength that comes from belonging to a supportive community. I joined a 12 step program. Witnessing others share their experiences fostered healing not just for them, but for everyone present. It sparked courage to use our voices and express our emotions, acknowledging that suppressing them fuels inner turmoil. “The term ‘codependent’ was an eye-opener for me. I always considered myself someone who helps others, but realizing the underlying codependency tendencies made me reflect.
Perhaps that’s why I have this strange habit of always finding myself in opportune situations. I often tell myself it’s the universe aligning, guiding me somehow. And maybe it is! Like the time I stumbled across a bookstore sale, where books on self-discovery were practically given away. Those books felt like a sign, a nudge to address my insecurities and unhealthy comparisons.
It was a powerful moment, and the start of my journey towards a healthier, more independent me.”As a total bookworm with a dream of opening my own used bookstore someday, I couldn’t resist a giant pile of discounted spirituality books! I snatched them all up, thinking, “This is exactly what I need!” Funny thing is, maybe I wasn’t quite ready for them then, but it just felt like something I had to have at that moment.
Life threw me some curveballs, but somehow, things lined up and brought me to a place of healing. And guess what? This amazing bunch of friends and family just showed up out of nowhere, like the universe sent them my way.
Funny thing is, I always told my kids they hadn’t met their real friends yet! Maybe that was my codependent side trying to hoard them all (oops!), but now I’m working on letting go of those old habits and embracing this beautiful new connection. We all put on a brave face sometimes, acting like we have it all together and never mess up. We might even stick to old habits, hoping for a different outcome, even though deep down we know it won’t change.
The hard truth is, faking perfection doesn’t get us anywhere. It’s time to admit that things won’t magically change by themselves, and that’s okay. It’s the first step towards actually making a difference.
Growth begins the moment we’re honest—with ourselves and with the world. You don’t need to have it all together to move forward. You just need to be real, be willing, and take one brave step at a time.
